10/16
To explain the intricate webbings of my host family's relatives, and how some of them are actually partially responsible for my coming to be with this family in the first place, would be far too complex. Though I do see this complexity as being significant; the fact that these intricate webbings not only exist, but are entirely revered and nurtured is definitional for Indian/Hindu culture.
Four days ago was the first act of a very special occasion. "Karva Chauth"- derived from a very old myth- is a day Hindu women take to fast for the good health and longevity of their spouse. Men occasionally take part (which really makes the most sense to me) but such participation is rare. Around the time of this day, it is customary women to cover their hands in henna, paint nails, wear bangles and for the daughter-in-law's family to visit and bring gifts to the family of the the daughter's husband.
The 3.5hr journey to visit the in-laws was hot and the traffic virtually endless, varying only in the extent of its craziness/confusion. What I've seen of the Punjabi and Haryana regions has not been particularly aesthetic; what has been a beautiful sight though, is not ONE individual that comes even somewhat close to resembling me!
We are met with the utmost graciousness. I am beginning to detect a pattern....
It is interesting to observe everyone's 'roles' as they vary from setting to setting. If only a single scene in the day was observed, for instance, it might appear that only the helping hand does any work; or the daughter in law; or the mother. But as the day goes on and one task flows into the next, so does the individual that is performing a particular task. This may also happen in the West, but what is definitely different is the rigid distinction between roles and how they are impeccably understood by all.
Part of me appreciates this way of living without there being so much question or passive aggression/confusion about about what one person should be doing, when, or why. "It is what it is, we are all supporting each other, and that is that!"
This leads into the subject of marriage. The man we visited (whose son married the daughter of my family; the couple now lives in my home-town of Colville) told me that it was one of the wonderful things about Indian culture. "It is not only a marriage of two people, but two families." His father of 98 recently died, but lived in the same house as his son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren till that day. Sanvi, the two-year-old I live with is receiving love and affection from all angles, be it from her parents, grandparents, or uncle. Each generational perspective offers wisdom to the other. The only requirement is that the daughter must be the one to leave her birth family to join that of her husband- so good luck girls! But because the two families are 'joined' visits/calls/tokens of appreciation etc. are made a priority, even if it does require long and uncomfortable traveling experiences.
My host sister assures me that the situation is not idyllic. "Have you met your boyfriend's parents?? Imagine living with them!" She says that modern thoughts of independence and nuclear families have certainly entered Indian awareness, leading to a 'breaking up' of the family.
Also, that people sacrifice and hold a great deal in their hearts to make it work. Still, she and what currently seems to be the bulk of India sees this as being the best choice.
So yesterday was Karva Chauth and like a good host-daughter and active anthropological participant, I fasted for the good health of my "husband." It actually was an entirely satisfying experience. The day was filled with reading, going to the temple, attending a 'kitty-party' (a women's group where we played a game something like bingo) and going over the story of Karva Chauth/partaking in puja with my host mother and sister. The tradition is to take simple chipati and water at 4:00am, drink one glass of water and tea at 3:00, and then break the fast when the moon becomes visible.
This culture is incredibly rich with its seemingly endless ancient traditions/customs. But being here is bringing to light that (to me) it is not simply the ancientness or particular origin that makes a tradition special or not; it is the individual's and group's love-consciousness with which they are (or are not) enacted.
To explain the intricate webbings of my host family's relatives, and how some of them are actually partially responsible for my coming to be with this family in the first place, would be far too complex. Though I do see this complexity as being significant; the fact that these intricate webbings not only exist, but are entirely revered and nurtured is definitional for Indian/Hindu culture.
Four days ago was the first act of a very special occasion. "Karva Chauth"- derived from a very old myth- is a day Hindu women take to fast for the good health and longevity of their spouse. Men occasionally take part (which really makes the most sense to me) but such participation is rare. Around the time of this day, it is customary women to cover their hands in henna, paint nails, wear bangles and for the daughter-in-law's family to visit and bring gifts to the family of the the daughter's husband.
The 3.5hr journey to visit the in-laws was hot and the traffic virtually endless, varying only in the extent of its craziness/confusion. What I've seen of the Punjabi and Haryana regions has not been particularly aesthetic; what has been a beautiful sight though, is not ONE individual that comes even somewhat close to resembling me!
We are met with the utmost graciousness. I am beginning to detect a pattern....
It is interesting to observe everyone's 'roles' as they vary from setting to setting. If only a single scene in the day was observed, for instance, it might appear that only the helping hand does any work; or the daughter in law; or the mother. But as the day goes on and one task flows into the next, so does the individual that is performing a particular task. This may also happen in the West, but what is definitely different is the rigid distinction between roles and how they are impeccably understood by all.
Part of me appreciates this way of living without there being so much question or passive aggression/confusion about about what one person should be doing, when, or why. "It is what it is, we are all supporting each other, and that is that!"
This leads into the subject of marriage. The man we visited (whose son married the daughter of my family; the couple now lives in my home-town of Colville) told me that it was one of the wonderful things about Indian culture. "It is not only a marriage of two people, but two families." His father of 98 recently died, but lived in the same house as his son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren till that day. Sanvi, the two-year-old I live with is receiving love and affection from all angles, be it from her parents, grandparents, or uncle. Each generational perspective offers wisdom to the other. The only requirement is that the daughter must be the one to leave her birth family to join that of her husband- so good luck girls! But because the two families are 'joined' visits/calls/tokens of appreciation etc. are made a priority, even if it does require long and uncomfortable traveling experiences.
My host sister assures me that the situation is not idyllic. "Have you met your boyfriend's parents?? Imagine living with them!" She says that modern thoughts of independence and nuclear families have certainly entered Indian awareness, leading to a 'breaking up' of the family.
Also, that people sacrifice and hold a great deal in their hearts to make it work. Still, she and what currently seems to be the bulk of India sees this as being the best choice.
So yesterday was Karva Chauth and like a good host-daughter and active anthropological participant, I fasted for the good health of my "husband." It actually was an entirely satisfying experience. The day was filled with reading, going to the temple, attending a 'kitty-party' (a women's group where we played a game something like bingo) and going over the story of Karva Chauth/partaking in puja with my host mother and sister. The tradition is to take simple chipati and water at 4:00am, drink one glass of water and tea at 3:00, and then break the fast when the moon becomes visible.
This culture is incredibly rich with its seemingly endless ancient traditions/customs. But being here is bringing to light that (to me) it is not simply the ancientness or particular origin that makes a tradition special or not; it is the individual's and group's love-consciousness with which they are (or are not) enacted.
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